Thursday, 1^st May, 2025

Bible Reading: Psalm 4:4

Memory Verse: A [shortsighted] fool always loses his temper and displays his anger, But a wise man [uses self-control and] holds it back. Proverbs 29:11 (AMP)

In their book, ‘Ready to Wed’ by Greg and Erin Smalley, they said: Over the years, we have found three simple steps that help us get our hearts open:

1. Call a Time-Out: Instead of continuing to argue and debate the situation, hit the pause button. In other words, get away from each other for a brief amount of time in order to de-escalate your stirred-up emotions. This is exactly what King Solomon wrote about: “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” Proverbs 29:11. Instead of continuing to react (fight or flight), you want to keep yourself under control and calm down. Some of the things that can help defuse your pushed buttons include: Taking some deep breaths of air, exercising, taking a walk, cleaning the house, listening to music, praying, or journaling your feelings. 

The key is to create some space from each other and do something that will calm you down. As you create some space, make sure to let the other person know that you’re taking a time-out to get your heart back open and that you’ll be back later to finish the discussion. This is not withdrawing. Withdrawal is an extremely deadly flight reaction. Calling a time-out insinuates that you just need a short break before you continue the conversation. Research suggests that you might need about twenty minutes to calm down once your buttons have been pushed. Erin and I have made it a rule that the person who calls the time-out should also be the one to initiate getting back together to talk about the conflict — but only when both hearts are open.

• Identify Your Emotions: Be Angry and Do Not Sin (Eph. 4:26). This next step is an important shift in what you’re thinking about. When we’re hurt and frustrated, our thoughts are racing with what the other person did or didn’t do. This is called “stewing.” We can’t stop stewing about how much we were wronged or mistreated. If we continue to think about “them” and replay the conflict over and over in our minds, we’ll stay stirred up. Remember Matthew 7:3 “Why do you look at the speck of dust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” If you’re going to get your heart open, you have to shift from thinking about your fiancé(e) to focusing on yourself. The way to make this important shift is to do what King David suggested: “In your anger, do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.” Psalm 4:4. Name the Button.

While you’re in your time-out, start focusing on your emotions — the voice of your heart. Ask yourself, “What button just got pushed?” You want to name the button (identify the emotion). This will continue to calm you down and open your heart. You might be thinking, Whatever, Dr. Smalley! However, there is actual research from UCLA that shows by simply naming what you’re feeling, your brain activity will shift from the amygdala — your fight-or-flight centre — to a much more rational part of the brain — the prefrontal cortex. This simple act not only begins to impact the state of your closed heart, but it impacts what is going on in your body physiologically. The goal is to defuse your button, and identifying what you’re feeling allows that to happen! Armed with some great information about your emotions, now you’re ready for the final step.

Quote: A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls – Proverbs 25:28 (NLT)

Prophetic Decree:  I challenge the root of anger in your bloodline by the redeeming Blood of Jesus, in Jesus name. 

Prayer Focus 

1. I receive grace and discipline to walk away from toxic environment in my relationship, in Jesus name 

2. I refuse to be a fool. I receive grace for self-control and personal discipline never to give anger a space in my life. 

3. I receive the needed maturity to take responsibility for my emotions. I refuse to stew or brood over what the other person did or didn’t do.

4. I receive grace to break the cycle of unproductive chain of provocative thoughts, in Jesus name. 

5. Holy Spirit, please saturate my emotions with uncontrollable joy in season and out of season, in Jesus name. 

BIBLE IN ONE YEAR:  2 Samuel 5, 1 Chronicles 11-12