Sunday, 1st December, 2024
Bible Reading: 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4
Memory Verse: He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 (NIV)
This is the concluding testimony of Ashley who is from a dysfunctional family, was abused, and how God came through for her.
Teen Years
As is common with sexually abused victims, I engaged in unhealthy relationships at a very early age. Many of them took advantage of my vulnerability and weakness. I was under the warped-by-trauma impression that my body was not my own and that being touched without permission was normal. I did not know how to speak up and use my voice when I was uncomfortable or how to ask for help. Saying “No” wasn’t even an option in my mind.
Damaging, abusive relationships on top of my home life led to serious anxiety, depression, and self-harm in my teen years. The relationships I engaged in and my home life repeatedly broke my heart. I was searching for the love and affection my soul desperately desired, but I was searching for it in all of the wrong places. I believed I was too broken, dirty and soiled for God to possibly be able to love me.
Most people had no idea all I was going through, as I kept up appearances very well. I made good grades, played high school sports, was in National Honor Society and other clubs. I had a job and have been working since I was 16. Most people probably believed I was just fine. Those around me didn’t know how deep the constant pain and anxiety I was experiencing was. While I never used drugs, I did use alcohol regularly to dull the pain. This increased when I entered college and the peer pressure and party scene bogged me down.
Running into Hope
After my first year of college, I hit a low point and decided to transfer schools under the pretence of going to live with my best friend. In reality, I was trying to run away from myself and believed a “new start” would cure my feelings of restlessness and emptiness. That following summer, I ran into an old friend from high school who was a Christian. He genuinely surprised me with his kindness and Christ-like attitude towards me. This softened my heart and slowly pointed me back to Jesus. (Fun fact: This old friend would eventually become my husband). We were close friends in high school but had lost contact after graduation. God brought him back into my life right when I was desperate enough to finally listen to someone tell me I was worthy of the love and forgiveness that Christ had to offer me. He listened without judgment and extended invites to Church multiple times. My heart was softened by his gentleness (and I’m sure by a prayer or two from him) and I finally gave my heart back to Christ in the summer of 2011. Before he and I entered a dating relationship later that summer, I told him every detail of my past. He responded by telling me how much God loved me. He reminded me that there was freedom and healing in my relationship with God if I chose to let him in. He told me that all that mattered now was what I chose to do from that point on.
Choosing To Believe And Forgive
My healing has been a long process and is one that is ongoing. But that summer, I found freedom. I finally believed the truth I had been too hurt to listen to for all those years. I finally believed I was loved, free & forgiven. God saw me and all my sin and still called me beloved daughter. This was the first time I ever felt like God was real. Through a lot of prayers and godly counsel, I came to believe that those young men were battling unimaginable sin and evil in their hearts. I found the strength through God to forgive them, not because they deserved it, but because I did. Once I chose to forgive, I was able to overcome the power that trauma, anger, and resentment had over me.
Life After Grace
My traumatic memories often try to creep to my consciousness. I have to work so that they won’t affect my behaviour, but God is always with me. The closer I get to Him, the more peace and comfort I find. Every wound leaves scars, even after they have healed. But I choose to let my scars tell a beautiful story instead of a tragic one. They are a part of me, but they have no power over me anymore. “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33.
Prayer Focus
1. O Lord, deliver me from my silent struggles today, in Jesus name.
2. Lord, I am tired of putting up a strong front but dying within my emotions, deliver me from my emotional battles today, in Jesus name.
3. O Lord, make an escape route for all my emotional battles today, in Jesus name.
4. I receive grace to receive the love and forgiveness that Christ has to offer me.
5. That person that love me for who I am, and will listen to me without judgment and condemnation, shall come my way today, in Jesus name.
BIBLE IN ONE YEAR: 1 Corinthians 9-11